It's what I've been wanting forever now (or that's what it seems like). And then when it finally came through, I found that I couldn't do it anymore.

Is it meant to be this way? Am I not allowed to do it? I still feel that it's perfect. It's just right for me...I need it so much. I know if I don't get it, I'll be devastated. I am trying not to let it bother me so much, but it's become a permanent part of my dreams-the good ones...