And then, suddenly it dawns on me... I am actually in control...

Do I choose it or not, is the real question. Of course I want it... I want it bad... I cannot even begin to explain why I want it so much... But as long as I know I want it, I'm willing to work toward it. And it hasn't been a total waste. I've come a long way from what I used to be. Change is hard, but it will happen eventually. And you know what, it's absolutely necessary!