A new day...

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear

Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Hush, love
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believeI've been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new son
A new day has come

A new day has come

It's another day, another chance, a new beginning... but I can't help being tied down by past commitments and actions... :(

Assumptions...

I jump to conclusions so quickly, it's got to be the worst trait I exhibit...

I think so much though that I cannot help but try and understand every aspect of what a person is saying. And obviously, not being the person who's talking, I almost always have a problem understanding where he/she is coming from.

I wish I could say that I'm not going to do that anymore....but I'd be lying... (not that I never lie)

I wish I could say that I'm going to try not to do it anymore....but I'd be lying again...

All I can do is say I'm sorry and mean it, and hope that he/she understands and accepts me for what I am...

I feel small... and then I feel big...

I am crazy... I think...?

I feel dazed and focused at the same time... I feel like I'm in a movie ... I feel disconnected from everything around me... :)

It's a nice feeling... feels light... free...

Am I back?

I can only wonder...

I feel more positive. I want to be there and have that... And I am actually trying to "create" a positive result!

YAY! I'm back!!! :D....

(I hope...)

Ever felt vague...?

It almost happened...

And now, everything feels empty again. There is this inner frustration building up...

Why??? Life should never tease anyone like this. It's ironic. But then, so is life I guess...

And yet, there is hope - trying to poke it's beautiful head out of all the crap I heaped on it...

The little heartbeat

And another life ... will it be a miserable one? I don't know... I guess misery lies in the eyes of the beholder

It's only the size of a finger ... Sometimes I really forget to appreciate life for how beautiful it actually is. I hope the Universe can forgive my absent-minded ungratefulness ...

And so I end up looking for loopholes again... The slightest chance that I may still get what I want.

Not everybody gets a second chance you know. I wish I were different, I wish I didn't give up so easily... :(

Optimism

It felt really good...being there, among all those familiar faces that I plan to see more often. I know I'll get there someday.

Some of them recognized me (and they should)...I re-introduced myself and they remembered. I spoke at length about how I planned to get where I was meant to be....

Things look good right now....It's all in my hands though, and that's what scares me the most...

I wanted this so badly....selfishly enough, I wanted it for me.

Nobody will ever understand. My desire may be weird, but it makes perfect sense to me and in a perfect world it would have come true. My wish would have been granted causing initial misery, but a happily ever after effect...

Well, I guess that's all it was- a fantasy...something that'll never happen. I'm destined to live a miserable long life knowing I will never have it...

Unwritten (Nastasha Bedingfield)

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

Am I weird?

And I'm excited....not in a bad way

It's strange because most people react to this sort of situation with fear and anxiety and maybe even some sadness, but I'm completely ok. Have I been expecting this all my life, I wonder...

It's this close and I actually want it. I know how it'll hurt - not just me, but everyone that cares about me. But it's almost like I knew this is what was meant to happen... It is definitely more desirable than everything that has happened so far.

And even when you think that you've just begun to understand why s*** happens, you don't realize how naive you are ...

8:15am

Well I'm here and nobody else is... I am not sure if I just pick up the keys and open up all the doors.
Maybe I should just wait ...

and it's ugly and feels gross and I don't know what to do about it ...

The helpdesk...

My very first job (in a strictly professional career-oriented sense). And defintely quite an interesting one at that...

There are the people who call us with legitimate questions...

There are people who we call and create new problems for...

There are people who call us to ask what a USB port is...

And then there are the people that call us to plug their keyboard in!

I'm quite beginning to like this :D

6:05am

And so I'm up...and everything seems pretty good.... Does this mean I'm back???

I sure hope so...